Black Woman, you're strong. Just take a pill.

Recently, an interaction with a close friend made me reexamine our friendship.

She had come to me with concerns about her marriage. I figured even though I was going through my own traumas and at a very low point in my life, that she was a close friend so I would listen, encourage, and give her hope and suggestions. 

Funny enough just a few days later, I broke down about some of the heavy heavy issues that were weighing on me. She wasted no time suggesting anti-depressants as a way for me to "feel happy". None of the same concern or energy that I had given her had been returned to me. 

To be fair, I did notice that this particular friend (yes, a white woman) would have meltdowns over the smallest things like her favorite designer bag ripping and fully expected everyone's time and attention--even mine. Before I wrote it off as "white people problems", I did my best to empathize with her. 

But so blatantly close to the time I offered her time, energy and support (while I was dealing with my own stuff), she wrote off my pain and told me essentially, to just take a pill.

And here I realized, among black women not being taken seriously when we talk about our pain or mental/emotional abuse that we're enduring, we are told to shut up and deal with it in various different ways--many times within our own community, as well as outside of it. 

This is part of why the strong black woman trope needs to die. Much like my friend telling me to take a pill, "you're so strong" is also used to write off black women's pain and trauma, to avoid giving the time or energy that we give out to others so often. We don't need to be regarded as human when we are dismissed. People don't need to take up time with us if they brush off our concerns--we're strong. Superhuman. Certainly we don't feel emotions like everyone else does. This is dangerous. Studies show that anxiety, depression and various other mental illnesses go largely undiagnosed in black women yet, the symptoms of anxiety and depression are far more intense. 

Imagine suffering with depression or anxiety and being told that you'll be fine because you're strong or that you can take pills to fix everything. I won't even go into how long term use of anti-depressants has been linked to suicidal thoughts, complete inability to feel any emotion, along with a host of other physical ailments.

A part of being in a mentally healthy space is having a support system. This means having people around that validate your feelings. People that will be a listening ear when you need it and people to encourage you and vice versa. While the people in our circle cannot be our own personal therapists, having support outside of therapy is a big help in mental health.  I'm just suggesting that we start by eliminating dismissive terms like "strong" or brushing off a friend's feelings by telling them to take a pill. 

Black women, your feelings are valid. Your trauma is real. And you deserve as much love and energy as you put out.